Looking back at my past actions, mistakes and memories, I could only say that I’ve done my best and sometimes the best just wasn’t enough. 

I may not have made most correct actions or reactions, then again, who does when they are under so much stress and pressure. 

Then again,  I have tried my best to shared what I was experiencing that I myself didn’t fully understood. Did you believe what I said then? 

I understand if it’s too terrifying if its true and it would be better of to be brushed aside as delusional, because truth is, thats what I also did to comfort myself. 

Should you understand the above then you should also know that it doesn’t justify for the actions that was done towards me just because you deemed it so. It was a betrayal of trust for my openness and you’ve joined in with the enemies instead of helping me.

I was depressed from failing in life, in relationship, lost in my purpose, confused with my identity, attacked and mocked by my enemies. Attempted so hard to recover for the escape route through badmedication*. Did you really think what was done from someone who I thought loved me will help me through the hands of outsider who knew nothing. Well, no I was abused once again and mocked and laughed at, abandoned all alone. Not once, but multiples times repeated, by what you’ve done.

Point is, it’s not about how sad it is that I am writing this, it’s what the truth is, even though I keep telling and praying hard that I will be able to forgive, I can only hope it will happen gradually. Neither am I justifying that I did everything right, I believe I did my best, a part of me wish for you to go through the same so you will understand what you did and continues to do through treating me as nonsence simply because you judged it as such, then again, I don’t wish that on you for the damage it will bring. 

How about let’s not be too hasty to judge until all is understood when all is revealed in time. For now, I hope that we could end and last in love, instead of the endless antogonising to which ends in foolishness, nothing gain but hurt and relish in prideful justifications.